she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
