Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ugly people sure do ruin things
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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