Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
