He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
