She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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