Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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