what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
