How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
