Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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