apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
