ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
high people should be assigned attendants
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
