Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
