I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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