I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
