I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
