i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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