I want to have your abortion
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
