Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
