so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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