right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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