Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the liver wants what the liver wants
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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