You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
