Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
