My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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