The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
