Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You are the jesus of drinking
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
