How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
