six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
