If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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