Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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