I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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