i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
