I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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