Me too!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
