genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
