So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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