Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
