Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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