I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
