im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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