Can i not drive my cunt home
420 ftw
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
