i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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