The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
