Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
