I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
