Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
