Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
