I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
