I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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