Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
