I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
