She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
