For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
