Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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