I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
