I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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