Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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