now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
