He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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