Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
