Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
