i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
