Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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