I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
