I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
