he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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