see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
