STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
