Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
