I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
