I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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