I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
