I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
