Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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