pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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