For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
