Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We had sex on a dog bed..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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