I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
