Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
