You're my little dorito
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
