The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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