And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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