so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
