none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
