is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
