somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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