im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
